Men don't play silly pranks
by SussiRay
Summary: Third in my "Men don't" series. Emily and Hotch want to mess a bit with Rossi to get back at him for almost screwing up their chance at a relationship. H/P but Rossi is also a central character... Enjoy!


Men don't play silly pranks

**A/N: First I want to say a huge "Thank you!" to everyone who has me or any of my stories as their favorites! You're the best...**

**Okay so this is next in line in the "Men don't" series... **

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: No... don't own Criminal Minds... just using it for my own enjoyment...**

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Lying on top of Hotch after another round of exceptionally mind-blowing sex Emily saw her chance to get some information. She had quickly learned that post-coital Hotch was far from as alert as SSA Hotchner was.

She wanted to get the whole story behind Dave's involvement in Hotch's plan to let her know he was in love with her. The plan that had almost failed miserably as someone, Dave she was told, had written down the wrong restaurant in the last note.

A disappointed grunt escaped Hotch as she rolled off him. Pulling him close and pressing a kiss to his neck she looked at him with wondering eyes.

"So you mean to tell me that you trusted Dave with all the notes and the gifts..."

As she had assumed it took him a few moments to comprehend what was going on. She imagined that it was because not all of the blood was back in his brain yet.

He propped himself up on his elbows and looked down into her eyes giving her a sleepy dimple.

"It kind of was his idea... But he just rewrote my notes... I thought of and got all of your presents for you." Hotch smiled at her and stroked her arm.

"Besides it was just with the last one he screwed up. I had told him that I was choosing between two restaurants. Then when I told him to write down Little Fountain Cafe in the last note he said that he'd do it later that night. He said that he kept the notes at home so that no one would be able to find them."

"You do know that Dave can be a bit forgetful at times, right?" Emily smiled at him. "Remember that time he accidentally forgot Reid at the crime scene?"

"I guess... but I'm not all together certain _that_ particular incident was an accident..." Hotch chuckled.

"We should get back at him somehow." Now Emily was sitting up. The thought of getting to mess with Dave invigorating.

"Get back at whom?" Hotch asked still a little dazed from the night's previous activities.

"Dave of course..." Emily said smiling and placed a soft kiss on Hotch's lips.

"Why do we need to get back at Dave?" Hotch still didn't really understand what was going on and Emily's lips were a real distraction.

"Well, partly because he should take some heat for almost screwing everything up for us. And partly just because it'll be fun." Emily told him and went in for another kiss.

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"We are _not_ doing that!"

Hotch was sitting behind his desk looking at Emily like she had just suggested he'd shoot himself in the foot.

"Why?! I think it could be kind of fun..." Emily flashed him a bright smile and sat down on top of his desk.

Hotch was still a bit shocked by what Emily had suggested.

"We are not going to trick Dave into thinking we want to have a _threesome_ with him." Hotch pinched the bridge of his nose. "Urrg... that's a mental imaged I did _not _want to have."

"Okay..." Emily answered. "Then maybe we could try and convince him that you have a crush on him."

"No!" Hotch protested. "That's even worse... Besides he'd never buy it. He knows that I'm in love with you... that's how all this got started remember?"

"Okay... no guy on guy action then." Emily pouted. Then a smile flickered across her lips. "I know! We could trick him into thinking that _I_ have a crush on him..."

"I don't know..." Hotch looked at her. "Why are we even doing this?"

"Because we want to get back at him."

"No, Sweetheart, you want to get back at him. I just want to go on with my life pretending I never asked for any of Dave's advice on women..."

"Oh, come on... It'll be fun... I'll flutter my eyelashes at him and call him things like "big boy". He'll think that you think that he's going after your woman and then you can use your death glare on him. That will wipe that cocky smirk off him."

Hotch thought about it for a moment. Weighing the fun in taking Dave down a notch with the discomfort of having to watch Emily flirting with someone else. With Dave...

After a a minute or two he finally decided that he'd go along with Emily's idea. Who was he trying to fool? He couldn't deny her her fun. And this could be pretty fun for him too. He did enjoy bringing out his deadliest glares. And he would enjoy letting a bit of air out of Dave's ego.

"Okay then." He said. "Let's do this your way. Let's trick Dave."

//////////

Rossi was sitting at his desk doodling on his latest manuscript when the door opened and Hotch walked in looking like someone had just cut his favorite tie in two.

"Aaron, what's wrong?" Rossi asked.

"I told her..." Hotch started looking down at the floor. "But she didn't want me."

Hotch looked up at Rossi thinking to himself that in times like this he was glad that he was able to completely withhold any visible emotions.

"Did she say why?"

Rossi looked at Hotch with concern and Hotch started to feel a little guilty. But then he told himself that this was after all only a joke. They wouldn't lead him on that long. It was all in good fun. They were just paying him back a little for being careless and almost wrecking his and Emily's chance at a relationship.

"She said she's in love with someone else..." Hotch stated quietly and left Rossi sitting wide eyed behind his desk.

//////////

Rossi was alone in the kitchenette making himself a cup of coffee when Emily strolled in.

"Hello, David." She said in a voice a little huskier than usual.

Rossi turned around and saw Emily leaning on the door frame. Was he imagining this or was she pushing her chest out at him? And is that a new top? It's really low cut.

"Ehm... Hi Emily. How are you today?" Rossi greeted her his eyes involuntarily dropping from her eyes to her cleavage.

Emily didn't miss Rossi's wandering eye and congratulated herself on her choice of outfit for the day.

"Oh, I'm just _fine,_ Dave." She gave him a radiant smile. "Making yourself some coffee, I see."

"Yeah, that's what I'm doing." Rossi answered stirring a teaspoon of sugar into his black coffee.

Quickly walking up next to him and standing almost so close that her breasts touched his arm Emily grabbed the spoon from Rossi. "Here, let me do that." She said and moved the spoon around in the black liquid a few seconds. Then she put the spoon in her mouth slowly licking off the coffee.

"There you go. All stirred." She told Rossi and started walking back to the bullpen still sucking on the spoon and swaying her hips from side to side.

Rossi couldn't help but trail her path with a slightly dazed gaze. As she got back to her desk she dropped the spoon and made a big show of bending over and picking it up again.

Snapping to after a few seconds Rossi quickly tore his eyes from Emily and instead looked up at the offices. That he shouldn't have done. Standing outside his office was one seriously pissed off Aaron Hotchner. If looks could burn through flesh and bone there would have been a hole where Rossi's head was.

Shrugging his shoulders at Hotch in an "I've no fucking clue what's going on" gesture Rossi hurriedly made his way to his office. Carefully avoiding looking at Hotch as he squeezed by him. When he got to his office he closed the door behind him and sank down into his large leather desk chair.

_What the hell is going on? __Could it really be me that Emily's attracted to. I was dead sure it was Hotch. Well... one thing is certain. I'll be dead if Hotch ever finds out._

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"You're enjoying this way too much." Hotch said as he stood in his master bathroom getting ready for bed together with Emily.

He hadn't failed to notice the content smile that had been on Emily's lips the entire day. He himself still had his doubts. It wasn't really appropriate for a unit chief to play pranks on other agents. But he had known Dave more than a decade and they were friends as well as fellow agents. That did not however mean that he felt overly good about seeing Emily wiggle her ass at another man. But as long as he knew that he was the only one who got to touch that ass he was good.

"It's just _so_ easy." Emily smiled back at him. "I mean I knew Dave was a bit of a horndog but did you see the way he stared at me today?"

"Yes... I'm sorry to say that I did." Hotch shot her a small glare that was a little less intimidating than usual due to the toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.

"Oh, don't tell me you're backing out."

"I didn't say that... I just don't like it when other men look at you like that."

At that Emily got up behind Hotch and wrapped her arms around him and pressed a kiss to his shoulderblade.

"You know that you are the only one that gets to touch." She said stroking his shoulders.

"I know." Hotch answered as he turned and caught her lips with his.

//////////

The next day Emily came to work armed with a tight sweater and a bright sultry smile. She saw Rossi sitting by himself in his office and she decided she wanted to have some fun. On her way to Rossi she walked passed Hotch's office. As she saw his dark head bent over a case file her mind flickered back to the night before.

_God, that man knows his way around a bedroom. But... that's not the point right now... the point right now is to screw with Rossi's mind. She could screw Hotch later..._

She knocked on Rossi's door and when she heard him telling her to come in she entered.

"Hey, Emily." Rossi greeted her. "What can I do for you."

"Oh, I can think of a few things..." Emily said under her breath though loud enough for Rossi to hear her.

"Excuse me?" Rossi asked with a confused smile.

"Oh, I needed a new legal pad and someone has put them on the top shelf in the supply closet." She said smiling at him. "And I don't feel like climbing any ladders in these." She wiggled her foot in his direction.

Rossi glanced down along her leg til he came to the foot she was wiggling at him and saw that she was wearing a knee-high boot with a very high heel. He drew in a short breath.

"Why don't you ask Hotch? He's taller than me." Rossi said looking a little flustered. Those boots had his imagination traveling somewhere he'd rather not have it.

"Oh... I just thought that you could do a better job..." Emily answered sliding a finger along Rossi's arm.

"Oh, okay..." Rossi answered not entirely enjoying where the conversation was going.

Walking to the supply closet Emily made sure to walk in front of Rossi. She had seen the way his eyes could be glued to a woman's butt. Granted she had never felt his eyes on hers, but then again it wasn't like she usually made a habit of wiggling her ass in the office. But she was pretty sure that if she served it up he'd have a hard time resisting. She stifled a small laugh. This was just _too_ easy.

Rossi tried really hard not to look at Emily's ass but the way she was moving her hips made that really difficult. As they passed Hotch's office he tore his eyes from Emily's ass and glanced through the window. He was expecting to find Hotch bent over a file like he always was but instead he was met by the patented Hotchner death glare. Quickly turning away he hurried after Emily.

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Standing in the kitchenette a few hours later Rossi's shoulders stiffened as he heard someone approaching from behind. He silently prayed that it wasn't Emily or Hotch. He hadn't quite gotten over this morning's run in with Emily and everywhere he went he could feel Hotch's glare burning a hole through his sports jacket.

"Hey, man." A dark voice said.

Rossi turned and faced Morgan, relief flushing trough him. Something that Morgan obviously noticed.

"What's the matter, man? You look like you where expecting to see Bundy." Morgan said crooking an eyebrow at the elder man.

"That's because I was expecting something worse." Rossi answered. "Morgan, have you noticed something off about Prentiss the last few days?"

"No. What do you mean?"

"I think she's been acting a little strange the last few days. Flirty almost..." Rossi dragged the last words realizing how strange it sounded.

"You mean Emily's been flirting... with you? Morgan asked giving him an incredulous look.

Rossi inclined his head slightly. Something that made Morgan snort with badly disguised laughter.

"I'm sorry but that must be something you're imagining, Old-timer." Morgan chuckled and walked away.

_Maybe Morgan is right. Maybe I am just imagining everything..._

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For the last four days Emily had been doing every thing she could to throw Rossi off his game. She had swayed and she had shimmied. She had leaned in a little too close. She had accidentally brushed up against him on more than one occasion. And she had bent over more than what was healthy.

And Hotch had done his part as well. He had glared at Rossi with increasing intensity every time Emily was close to him and sometimes when she wasn't. And every time he could see that Rossi got more and more unnerved. They had him shaking in his Italian leather boots.

So they came to the conclusion that he had suffered enough. They'd put an end to it today. But not before having one last go at him. It was time for the grand finale and Emily thought that it was time to bring out the big guns. And they would be wearing lace.

//////////

Rossi was sitting in his office minding his own business going over a file from their last case when there was a knock on the door. His breath caught in his throat and he steeled himself before giving the person on the other side permission to enter.

The door opened and first came a black high heeled shoe. Then came a bare calf. Then a black pencil skirt. Then a form fitting red shirt. And then came the smiling face of Emily Prentiss.

"Hi, Dave." She smiled and fluttered her eyelashes at him.

"Uhm... Hi Emily." Rossi didn't really know what to say next but then Emily didn't give him the chance to say anything. She started walking towards him while slowly unbuttoning the top buttons on her shirt.

"Emily! What are you doing?" Rossi hissed.

"Oh, Rossi... don't pretend like you don't want it..." Emily whispered as she closed in on Rossi who was pushing himself further away from her.

She undid a couple more buttons and pulled her shirt slightly apart revealing a black lace bra. The back of Rossi's chair hit the wall behind him and he was trapped. All he could do was watch as Emily plopped herself down on his lap.

Then just as Emily was wrapping her arms around his neck the door opened and Hotch walked in. When he saw Emily with her shirt open sitting on Rossi's lap Hotch ground to a halt.

Rossi's eyes grew as wide as saucers. "Aaron! This is _not_ what it looks like. I haven't touched her... She came on to me."

Hotch didn't say anything. He just stood there shooting daggers at Rossi. This just made Rossi even more nervous. He was waiting for Hotch to lose it. Then he thought he saw Hotch's hand travel to his holster. Oh God, is he going to shoot?!

"Aaron, calm down. Be rational..."Rossi rambled with panic in his eyes. "Don't do anything you'll regret. I'm not..." Rossi stopped talking. He thought he saw something. Something in Hotch's eyes. And then he saw just the slightest dimple. And then two deep dimples appeared. Rossi had no idea what was going on.

Then he felt the weight lift from his lap and realized that Emily was no longer sitting there. She was walking up next to Hotch buttoning her shirt back up. She was also grinning at him and when she got up next to Hotch she wrapped her arm around his waist.

_Wait. Why are they looking so cozy together? And why are they both grinning at me like two fools. _

As realization dawned on Rossi he just put his head between his palms and sank further into his leather chair.

_Oh. Crap._

"This was all just an elaborate prank, wasn't it?" He asked shaking his head in utter disbelief.

Both Emily and Hotch smiled an affirmative smile at him and nodded their heads.

"Why?" Rossi asked.

"Because you almost screwed up our chances of ever getting together." Emily explained pulling Hotch closer.

"What?" Rossi was confused. Then her words sank in. "Wait... Almost? Does that mean that you two really are together now?"

"It does." Hotch said with the widest smile Rossi had ever seen on his friend's lips. He didn't even know that his lips could reach that far.

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As she laid in bed with Hotch later that night Emily still couldn't control her smile. That had been so much fun. The look on Rossi's face when Hotch was staring him down. Hilarious.

"You really enjoyed that, didn't you?" Hotch asked her stroking her thigh. He had every intention of keeping this conversation short.

"Yeah, was I that obvious? We should see if we could fool someone else..." She thought for a moment. "I know! Let's see if we can trick Reid into believing he's shrinking..."

The End

**A/N: Hope you liked it!**

**Please let me know! Thanks!**


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